How to Talk to Your Manager About Stress Without Fear

Erwin van den Burg
06 juni 2025

Speaking up about workplace stress can feel risky — but staying silent is worse

If your workload is too heavy, your responsibilities unclear, or your stress levels rising, you may be tempted to push through and say nothing. After all, talking to your manager about stress can feel intimidating. You might wonder:

  • “Will they think I can’t handle the job?”
  • “What if they get defensive?”
  • “Could this hurt my career?”

These fears are common — and understandable. But staying silent often makes things worse. Unaddressed stress can lead to burnout, resentment, poor performance, and even health problems.

The good news? It is possible to talk to your manager about stress without damaging your reputation — and without fear. This article shows you how to do it thoughtfully, professionally, and effectively.

Why It’s So Hard to Talk About Stress at Work

Discussing your stress with a manager can feel vulnerable. Many employees fear being labeled as:

  • Weak or unmotivated
  • Unfit for leadership
  • A complainer

But in reality, addressing stress early is a sign of self-awareness and professionalism — not a red flag. The key is to frame the conversation well and focus on solutions, not complaints.

You Have More Power Than You Think

It’s easy to feel like your manager holds all the cards — especially in a hierarchy. But don’t forget: you bring value to the table, and good managers know it.

  • You hold practical knowledge about how things really work on the ground.
  • You may be hard to replace, especially if you’re experienced, reliable, or client-facing.
  • Replacing a burned-out employee isn't just stressful — it's expensive. Studies show it costs on average up to three months' salary to recruit and train someone to the same productivity level.

So while it’s wise to approach your manager with respect, remember: you’re not just another replaceable part. You’re part of the system that keeps things running.

When you speak up constructively about stress, you're not making trouble — you're protecting a valuable resource: you.

5-Step Strategy: How to Talk to Your Manager About Stress

Here’s a step-by-step approach you can use to guide the conversation:

1. Choose the Right Time and Setting

Request a one-on-one meeting during a calmer moment — not when your manager is overwhelmed or rushing to a deadline. A short message like this works well:

“Hi [Manager’s Name], I’d like to schedule a short check-in about workload and priorities. I’d appreciate your guidance.”

This sets a professional tone and shows you’re looking for help — not making demands.

2. Start With Shared Goals

Open the conversation by showing that you're aligned with the team’s or company’s objectives:

“I really care about doing high-quality work and meeting deadlines — and that’s why I wanted to have this conversation.”

It’s important to remember that you and your manager want the same thing: for the job to get done — and done well. Framing the discussion in terms of shared goals helps remove tension and makes the conversation a joint problem-solving effort, not a personal complaint.

3. Describe the Challenge Neutrally

Use clear, non-blaming language to describe what’s been difficult:

“Lately, I’ve been juggling multiple deadlines at once, and I’ve noticed it’s affecting my focus and energy levels.”

Avoid blaming others or dramatizing the situation. Instead, be factual and calm.

4. Explain the Impact on You (Briefly)

Let them know how the stress is affecting your performance or well-being — without oversharing:

“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed and I’m concerned it could start impacting the quality of my work if it continues.”

This shows self-reflection and responsibility.

5. Ask for Support or Explore Solutions

Now shift to solutions. You’re not asking your manager to fix everything — you’re inviting them to collaborate:

“I’d really appreciate your thoughts on how we might reprioritize or spread out the workload.”
“Would it make sense to adjust timelines or delegate certain tasks?”

Managers are more likely to respond well when you show a proactive mindset.

Common Situations — and What to Say

You’re Overloaded With Work

“I’ve been feeling overwhelmed by the volume of tasks lately, and I’m worried that the quality of my work might suffer. I wanted to bring this up so we can look at priorities together.”

This is an “I” statement — it keeps the focus on your experience without placing blame. (If you're not sure how to use these, check out our article on how to talk about stressful behavior without damaging relationships.)

You’re Burned Out From Always Being Available

“I’ve noticed I’m answering messages late into the evening. Would it be okay to clarify availability expectations?”

You’re Feeling Unclear or Unsupported

“I sometimes feel unsure about the expectations for success. Could we check in on what’s most important?”

What Not to Do

  • Don’t vent or blame others
  • Don't act like a victim
  • Don’t use vague language (“I’m just… tired of everything”)
  • Don’t wait until you’re already burned out

A Note on Managers Who Are the Problem

Sometimes, your manager may be a source of stress — through micromanagement, unrealistic expectations, or poor communication.

In that case, it’s even more important to use the principles above: stay factual, stay calm, and focus on impact and needs, not personality.

If the situation doesn’t improve, consider speaking to HR or a trusted mentor in your organization.

Stress Conversations Show Strength, Not Weakness

Talking to your manager about stress doesn’t make you look weak — it shows that you value your role, your performance, and your well-being. It also gives your manager the chance to offer support before things spiral.

And remember: you and your manager are on the same team. You both want the work to get done — and done well. Starting a respectful conversation about stress is the first step toward building a healthier, more sustainable work rhythm for both of you.